it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
