he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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