We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
