I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
