Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
