Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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