She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
