Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
