RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
