maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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