What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
