Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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