I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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