I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
