There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She announced her abortion via fbk
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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