theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
