I'm lost and stupid without you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am available for nakedness
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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