That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize