Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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