help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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