I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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