This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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