I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
