i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
