you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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