she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
