your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
