What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
