Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize