when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
