I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
