I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
