I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
