It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
