1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize