She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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