theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
