i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
