sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
