The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
