just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
