I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
