i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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