it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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