my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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