it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
