So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
