I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
