I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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