I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize