Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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