i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
