I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
