i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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