He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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