I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize