Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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