yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
