Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
