My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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