I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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