people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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