Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
