Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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