and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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