see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize