I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
