the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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