Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize