I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
